Medical school zombies

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In the midst of studying, I often look around the school and see an interesting phenomena - about two days before any given exam, the otherwise empty study rooms begin to fill to capacity with zombies. Not the kind that wants to eat your brains... unless, that is, they are able to absorb some of the information lodged therein for themselves.

These are students who are absent from lectures, libraries and study rooms 95% of the year to suddenly appear like rabid bunnies to devour their notes in the 48 hours prior to d-day. Most of these are normally fairly well adjusted kids who like all of us suffer from distractions and confusion with the lecture content. However, when they appear in their haste to cram, something interesting happens which, quite frankly, kind of scares me.

It is during this time that everyone gets a little grumpy. Minor disturbances in silent recesses of the "quiet study rooms" are met with shushes and 'zip its'. Annoyed glances are common-place among these hypersensitive scholars. Normally straight backs turn kyphotic and stooped. Hair that is typically well kept when hitting the bars on a school night is replaced with sex hair minus the sex. Eyes are buggy and hazy - absent of life or passion. Moods are generally more irritable and jittery. You can often look over at these students and see them staring at their notes from 5 inches away without moving a stitch or blinking or peeing in a 8 or 10 hour period. Seriously, I have seen a student or two not get up once in a full day. No eating, no pooping, no talking, no standing. This is a DVT's dream scenario (they should know better).

So, this must be normal, right? The normal physiological response to the abnormal stress thrown our way in medical school?

Nope. It's a shiny little pill called Adderall. This is the zombie drug that turns C students into A students in the space of 48 hours. This is what separates many top-of-the-class students from those of us who struggle to stay above the curve. This magic pill is a living miracle - a story which you can hear in any medical school hallway or lunch room. It is also an amphetamine. You might have heard of those before. Adderall's more notorious siblings are drugs like speed, crystal meth, and base. These are the drugs that parents fear most and that we see on crime dramas with crackheads who run around out of control. Don't be mistaken, Adderall is one of these drugs too, just the prescription form of the drug. It is often used in ADHD... or in college students for performance enhancement.

Don't get me wrong, there are people who need drugs like this. As with all medications there are appropriate uses which can benefit those with disabilities or psychological disorders. One of my good friends at school is one of these people. He's got the worst ADHD I've ever seen. However, the irony is that he is one of the minority at my medical school that isn't using the drug. He was prescribed and tried it but stopped taking the drug due to the negative effects - in short, he thought it was going to kill him.

My thought is this: if you don't need a drug to control your behavior when it isn't test week, then you probably shouldn't need it when tests are 2 days away. You know that anxiety you have before tests? It's called being human. We all get it. It's sad to think that what really separates an A from a B is drugs in some cases.

It's doping. 

Of course there are a few souls with abnormally massive brains who can pull off straight A's without a booster. I salute these animals. However, I have an inkling that these are the exception, not the rule.

People get all up in arms about the fact that Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs to win the Tour de France or that Barry Bonds juiced to be a better ball player. I'm interested as to why people are less concerned that future doctors or lawyers or pilots are doping. Is a student at the top of their class on Adderall really an A student? Are they going to rely on uppers to keep them in the zone while they operate on you?

This isn't a new phenomenon. It's been going on for years and years. It will probably go on for many more. However, all I know is that while I am not a straight-A student, I can feel proud that I earned every single grade I got without the assistance of a chemical study partner. Doing it the old fashioned way is painful and tiring and makes me looked retarded in comparison with some of my classmates... but at least I can say it was all me. And maybe a few 5-hour energy drinks.