The Book of Grievances

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Every once in a while I have a parental epiphany. It's as rare (and as terrifying) as an Ogopogo sighting in Okanogan Lake but it has been known to happen. Sometime in late March, I must have been over-caffeinated or high on baby farts because at approximately two o'clock in the morning I was awakened by what I can only describe as a prophetic vision of the greatest invention I will likely ever create. I've done a few admirable things in my life, such as completing medical school, but surely this achievement will be numbered among my greatest. 

As I was saying, just before 2 am, I had a dream/manifestation/divination of the perfect way to curb the constant fighting and tattling that occurs with gusto in my home. My mind was so excited by what I saw that I was unable to sleep until I jotted down these three words in my phone's notebook: "Book of Grievances." Actually, what I ended up typing was 'book of fetishes' but the next morning I quickly edited the autocorrection for fear that my wife would discover the error and trouble herself that I was going to author an erotic novel (although if this were true, rest assured that it would be an excellent read!).

After settling myself back into one of the most restful slumbers of my life, I awoke and gathered my little children around me to inform them that I am starting a "Book of Grievances." From that point on, any time they want to tattle on each other they are required to take this holy book and write an exhaustive tale of the events, with at least a page of descriptive narration written in small longhand. Then, on the opposite page, they have to draw the scenario in detailed full-color illustration. Only after they've done this will I listen to their complaints.

The Book of Grievances has been enforced in our home now since that time and, admittedly, I have not been as fervent about demanding its use as I intended. I've also made a few exceptions to the rules such as: 1) the baby is exempt, 2) Squeaky-E, the 2nd youngest is only required to draw a picture of the events (although you'll see that she does a decent job at writing too), and 3) if they're annoying me I sometimes send them to bed before the color is added to the pictures. However, even with the Gumby rules, it has certainly helped curb more than one royal rumble in the 'House of P'. 

The book will be continued and kept as part of our family legacy. I will occasionally share some of the more interesting pages on here to entertain the masses (and by masses, I mean the tiny number of accidental visitors who stumble across this humble blog). I hope you enjoy these adventures from the 'Book of Grievances' as they are told by my little pissants.

Here are the first entries.

Ethan's version of the events:

Ryan's version: